Thursday, September 6, 2012

15 Million Lesbians On The Loose!

I found this at a flea market and was highly amused at the thought of 15 million lesbians running wild through the streets, stealing our wives with their lesbian ways.

As it turns out, that's exactly what the article was about. Facepalm and wtf excerpts after the jump...

Here's some of the excerpts from the article...

And these are just a sample of more than 15,000,000 phantoms that are now walking among us!
 Lesbians are actually ghosts?

It's long been known that the nation is overloaded with frigid wives--wives who never achieve orgasms with their husbands. The number of wives in this category has been placed as high as 60% by some authorities.
 I don't think not being able to achieve orgasm is because of frigidity...

Many biddies who neglect their housework to spend time "playing bridge with the girls", or to join clubs and organizations composed wholly of members of their own sex, do it just for the purpose of picking up girls to roll with in the hay--while hubby's away.
Great Aunt Mabel's bridge club will never look the same way again to me...

[After having described a "thunderstorm party" the horrid lesbian sets up to trap innocent young girls] Naturally the other girl tries to comfort her. Soon they are together, in one bed or the other, and under the sheets, pressed tightly together (the "scared one" makes sure of that). There's rubbing and kissing--even innocent girls think nothing of kissing between girls--and, well, since most girls are going through a period of masturbation at this age anyway, a little help from the outside, provided it's smoothly handled, which the experienced girl will be very careful to do, isn't exactly unpleasant.
Dude, are you writing an article or porn?

It's one of the unpleasant facts of life that any experienced lesbian can, in most cases, give another girl a tremendously more exciting sex life than 9 out of 10 bumbling bridegrooms or back-seat Romeos ever can hope to do.
Oh reeeaaaally? Please, tell me more about how lesbians can give women a better life...

Compared to a man in the handling of a woman, a lesbian is like a great violinist drawing the utmost out of her instrument, while some men are like awkward kids fiddling with a jew's harp.
Okay, you're making lesbianism look pretty awesome, actually.

Knowing decent boys is also good "medicine" against the loathsome advances of these filthy females.
I dunno, considering how awesome you made girl-on-girl sound, I'm not sure I'd call their advances "loathsome."

The prowling lesbian, looking for a new victim to ensnare in her slimy caresses, knows how unsatisfied the normal wife is, of course, and takes every advantage she can of this fact.
Lesbians are amphibians?

Today lesbians are everywhere. You can see them in offices in small towns as well as big ones. They hang around parks, movie theaters and nightclubs--just like prostitutes--many of them. And each victim they snag means there's one new lesbian out looking for a victim of her own soon afterward. It;s like a chain letter that multiplies with overwhelming effect in the end--unless steps are taken to put a stop to it before it goes too far.

A lot of girls in the military service end up doing duty mainly for, or to, one another.
I wonder if this guy wrote for DADT...

It's the "innocent" and normal girl who suffers. More than one doctor has been faced with a girl who has daily bouts of vomiting which just can't be explained--until she visits a psychiatrist. [Cue long story about "Peggy" who was struck with mysterious vomiting after having a sexy lesbian encounter at camp.]
Lesbianism leads to vomiting. Trufax.

Some nights got real cold too, so what was more natural than that the girls should bundle up together on just one coat [sic] to share their warmth....
Girl Scout camp just got waaaaay more interesting...

This, incidentally, like girls kissing each other, sending each other gifts, and such, is quite normal among members of the female sex.
 Man, I went to all the wrong schools!

As said before, probably the biggest factor behind our fast-growing legion of lesbians is the fact that the women fail to get, from their men, the ultimate, orgiastic, sex satisfaction that their bodies crave.

A lesbian fears losing her lover more than death itself, so wrapped up does she become in the hot embraces of this member of her own sex. So she sells her body to men, and lies with them and lets them do what they want, without feeling any more emotion than she'd get from a pair of tight pants.
Hey, man. I don't know about the kind of tight pants you wear...

With over 15,000,000 of them loose in this country, and the movement gaining new recruits every day, we'll soon be so overrun by these sexual cesspools of unnatural lovemaking that there won't be any place left for decent people.
Except for protected by law just about everywhere.

So, according to part of the article, studies strongly suggest the number is actually double the 15 million. Plus lesbians have increased in number by 600% and are now equal in number to gay men, which means 1 in 3 people in the US were homosexual in 1961, according to the author. I think he's got a few numbers wrong there...

Also, there was another article about orgies that had my favorite line ever:



  1. Your comments to the article are hilarious! Thank you for the much needed laugh!


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