Thursday, February 28, 2013

High School 1958 vs 2012: The Birch Tree

As talked about in this post, I am going to write my own versions of that idiotic "High School 1958 vs 2008/2009/2010/2011/2012" thing that has been plaguing the internet. Please enjoy my interpretation of nonexistent Scenario 10...

I know this post isn't funny

I can't be funny all the time.

I recently tried to join the BlogHer network. I still don't know if I got in or not, but while working on my
application, I found myself stuck figuring out in which category my blog would be listed. This is primarily a humor blog, but humor was't an option. In fact, there were a lot of category options missing that really should be in a network dedicated to promoting female bloggers. What categories were missing?

Science isn't a category. Closest was "Technology and Web." So where's the geologist blogger going to go? Where's the anthropologist blogger? Where's the marine biologist blogger going to go other than  "Pets or Animals?" What if I just want to read science blogs written by women? In fact, I do want to read science blogs written by women. I love reading them! I went to school for hard sciences, so I might be biased in this.

There are four categories dedicated to parenting, but none to CFBC life. Four categories are dedicated to health (Fitness is lumped in with Sports, even though there is already a Weight Loss and a Wellness category), but none to medical science for the blogging female medical professionals. Three categories are dedicated to DIY. The DIY categories are Art & Design, Crafts, and Home & Garden. Nowhere is there a category for the female woodworker or female welder. Female contractor? Female plumber? I'm a woodworker, so I would be interested in reading blogs by females about woodworking.

There are no LGBT category, unless Sex and Relationships counts. There is a Latino issues category, but no African-American issues category (or category for any other minorities). However, there is the obvious Fashion and Beauty and Shopping and Lifestyle categories. I guess because we don't want to ignore the obvious stereotypes of women on a women's blogging network? Science, minorities, LGBT, and hobbyists/professionals other than crafts? Those are apparently not important enough to have categories.

This is disappointing from a website that is supposed to be promoting women. Sexism is embedded in our cultural consciousness and it's hard enough to change the status quo without it being reinforced by our own allies.

Sunday, February 24, 2013

Meet Shelly The Clown

I found Shelly the Clown at a local thrift store. He is horrifying and inexplicably made partly out of shells. I made a video of him because nothing says terror like Shelly in moving pictures. For those of you afraid of clowns, turn away now.

Saturday, February 23, 2013

Toilet Seat Museum Part 1: The Greatest Place On Earth

Yesterday was my birthday and, being the kind of person I am, I begged my husband to go with me to the Toilet Seat Museum. Him, being the awesome person that he is, agreed.

What's that? You haven't heard of the Toilet Seat Museum? Oh my stars, how can you not know about this absolutely fantastic American cultural icon? What's that? You doubt the Toilet Seat Museum is a cultural icon? Well, I'll have you know that it's such a cultural icon, the Department of Homeland Security has allocated $10 million to protect the Toilet Seat Museum. So there!

About the Toilet Seat Museum: It's run by Barney Smith, a 91 year old man who has been decorating toilet seats for going on 40 years. You can read more in the link above. He is absolutely sweet, very funny, and holy hell, I hope I have that much energy when I get to be that age, provided I make it. His wife (as of this post) is also 91 and they've been married 73 years. She doesn't much care for his toilet seat art hobby. Barney is a retired master plumber and an artist. He's done graphic art professionally and is also a painter, but it was his toilet seats that really brought him fame. Believe me, when it comes to architectural design, he's very good.

Some cool stuff about his hobby: He has people sign a toilet seat that means something to them, whether it's their hobby, occupation, home state, country of residence, etc. My husband signed the librarian toilet seat and the bicycle toilet seat while I signed the toilet seat for my home state. He engraves over the signatures so they will be on the toilet seats for a long time, though he said he has about 2,000 signatures to go and probably won't finish before he dies. He seals the engraving by melting used communion cups from his church and mixing the melted plastic with pigment, then painting over the engraved lines. He's done a lot of his own artwork on the seats and has engraved and sealed them the same way.

There are literally over a thousand toilet seats in the museum. I couldn't photograph them all, but I did get pictures of my 39 favorites. Starting with the WTF and Miscellany in Part 1, please enjoy these pictures I took at the Toilet Seat Museum!

Update: Part 2 of the Toilet Seat Museum visit
Update: Part 3 of the Toilet Seat Museum visit
Update: Part 4 of the Toilet Seat Museum visit

Thursday, February 21, 2013

High School 1958 vs 2012: The Dangers of Pornography

As talked about in this post, I am going to write my own versions of that idiotic "High School 1958 vs 2008/2009/2010/2011/2012" thing that has been plaguing the internet. Please enjoy my interpretation of nonexistent Scenario 9...

Sunday, February 17, 2013

Is that a speculum in your pants?

So I've been busy and haven't had time to post some stuff I have planned. Don't worry, there's more fuquerie coming soon. Clowns will be involved in some of it. Also, the Toilet Seat Museum, even if I can't find anyone to go with me.

I have nothing entertaining to say right now. So here's a picture of a drawer full of specula and lube I took while at my annual vagina spelunking visit. The nurse caught me taking the picture, so I'm sure there's now a note in my file about what a weirdo I am.

Saturday, February 16, 2013

Clutter Control Thrift Store Fuquerie Style

Do you have a clutter problem? Do you know someone with a clutter problem? Are you at a loss as what to do about it? Well, have no fear, I'm here to help!

All your clutter problems can be solved with one simple rule: Chuck it into a thrift store.

Donate, sell on consignment, whatever you want, someone out there will happily take it off your hands.

All those collector plates you were sure were a good investment? Thrift store time!
Somewhere out there is an elderly lady teleporting herself inside this picture.

Friday, February 15, 2013

Belated V-Day Post

I meant to have a Valentine's Day post up, but I never got around to it because I'm the reigning champion of procrastination in at least my subdivision, if not the whole neighborhood. So just pretend that I'm getting an early start for next year.

Please enjoy this selection of old valentines that don't quite make sense or are just a leeeeeetle bit on the sinister side.


 Translation: I'm going to whore myself to everyone in town until you relent and agree to go out with me.
This plan can't fail!

Thursday, February 14, 2013

Adventures in New Computers or Windows 8 Frightens Me

After spending far too long without a computer that does things like "working" (or, for the past two years, "working somewhat okay"), I finally was able to get a new computer. The computer I wanted was about $2000 over my budget and my second choice was $700 over my budget, not including the upgrade to Windows 8 Pro that would then allow me to downgrade to Windows 7.

I admit it, I'm a late adopter. I still have an SNES. I got my first Playstation when the PS2 was considered outdated and it was not only the first generation of Playstation, but I got at a garage sale for twenty bucks. While OSX was moving into new versions, I was stubbornly holding on to OS 8.1. I got my iPad 2 secondhand, refurbished, after the iPad 3 came out, and paid in trade goods. I had only upgraded to Windows 7 from XP last year and only because my computer got whammied and the support desk had no XP install discs. Apparently it's not 2005 anymore. Who knew?

In other words, I'm so far behind the curve, I still haven't seen any of those yellow signs telling me I should slow down or else I'll be flung off the edge of the cliff, tumbling down the mountain and exploding in an awesome fireball.

High School 1958 vs 2012: The Dangers of Firecrackers

As talked about in this post, I am going to write my own versions of that idiotic "High School 1958 vs 2008/2009/2010/2011/2012" thing that has been plaguing the internet. Please enjoy my interpretation of Scenario 7...

Saturday, February 9, 2013

Random Flea Market Fuquerie From The Past

I've been flea market and thrift store shopping for weird stuff for about a decade now. I only recently begun to document my finds, but previously I would snap the occasional photo whenever something gave me pause (such pauses were usually in horror, fascination, or snickering). Now and then, I stumble across an old picture I took in an old folder or on a flash drive or some other thing that gets easily lost in the black pit of my desk. So please enjoy these bits of fuquerie from the past.

The tag said they were peaches, but all I saw were "peaches."

Thursday, February 7, 2013

High School 1958 vs 2012: The Adventures of Pedro

As talked about in this post, I am going to write my own versions of that idiotic "High School 1958 vs 2008/2009/2010/2011/2012" thing that has been plaguing the internet. Please enjoy my interpretation of Scenario 6...

Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Napkin Cat: Concepts in Folk Art

While living in Connecticut, I discovered flea markets and thrift stores didn't exist in the amazing complexity they did where I grew up in the south. The markets were only open on the weekends and only during "flea market season," which makes no sense since they are indoors. Despite that, I did manage to find a few horrible and amazing things. One of these things is Napkin Cat.

Folk art at its finest.
Do you see this? Do you see this brilliant and amazing work of art? That, my friends, is a cat made out of torn napkins and masking tape.

According to the seller, this is a piece of genuine "folk art." The tag labels it with "nature," making this a nature-inspired folk art napkin cat.

And it's thirty dollars.

Yes, that price is correct. It's valued at thirty dollars because it's a m'fing napkin cat! I had to have this beautimous thing. However, I couldn't bring myself to spend thirty dollars on an old napkin, no matter how amazing it is. Fortunately, I was able to bargain the seller down and am now the proud owner of Napkin Cat.

It was my sister-in-law who pointed out that Napkin Cat is also suffering from a strange malady where his tail is attached to his front. Or whiskers to his back. It's hard to tell. Either way, I had to share the amazing Napkin Cat with the rest of the world.

Saturday, February 2, 2013

Thrift Store Fuquerie: Gem Sweaters, Creepy Dolls, and Vulvas Oh My!

You know a visit to the thrift store is going to be fun when the first thing you see is a gem sweater. For anyone not familiar with gem sweaters, I recommend visiting Leslie Hall.

If Two-Face designed a gem sweater, this is what he'd make. One side understated and looks good at formal events, the other side letting the world know you have no problem murdering everyone in sight at the flip of a coin.
Kids, don't trust any adult wearing one of these non-ironically.