Saturday, February 16, 2013

Clutter Control Thrift Store Fuquerie Style

Do you have a clutter problem? Do you know someone with a clutter problem? Are you at a loss as what to do about it? Well, have no fear, I'm here to help!

All your clutter problems can be solved with one simple rule: Chuck it into a thrift store.

Donate, sell on consignment, whatever you want, someone out there will happily take it off your hands.

All those collector plates you were sure were a good investment? Thrift store time!
Somewhere out there is an elderly lady teleporting herself inside this picture.

Who needs recycling when there's money to be made in fourpack cardboard?
One man's treasure is what everyone else calls trash.

Not to mention the cans themselves.
But if it's organized, is it clutter?

Thrift stores and flea markets are also the best place to drop off all your outdated music formats.
That strange noise you just heard was the collective orgasm of thousands of hipsters.

Stocking stuffers no one ever cared about also make great thrift store goods.
Like that lumpy white thing.

 Remember that embarrassing candle selling phase in the 90s? Now you can unload all that stock in an instant!
Now your shame is someone else's problem.

Old appliances are also prime thrift store fodder. They don't make blenders like they used to, after all.
I'm going to be disappointed if there isn't a radioactive element in these.

Don't forget to let family in on the decluttering fun! Uncle Bob's western statue collection is just taking up room.
Have to pry his Elvis collection out of his cold, dead hands.

Grandma's costume jewelry collection is always welcome at thrift stores.
"Grandma, where would you wear it? Stop fooling yourself, you haven't stepped outside since Halley's Comet returned."

Uncle Bob's garage full of rusty crap is also a veritable goldmine!
Wow! A rusty, chipped axe head without even a handle! Way better than going to Home Depot!

Just be careful when opening some containers. Never know what Uncle Bob left behind.
"Yes, Uncle Bob, we all heard the story about how you ninja kicked Hitler."

Don't forget to raid Grandma's bathroom cabinets too. Especially the dark recesses she hasn't seen since 1968.
This only brings back bad memories of Johnny Perkins and prom.

Please, for the love of god, someone get Aunt Mabel out of the house so we can get rid of these things before they eat us in our sleep.
It's unsettling the way she sings to them at night.

Lastly, don't forget books you no longer need.
I want to know what they'd consider storage space that would never dream of.


  1. "I want to know what they'd consider storage space that I would never dream of."

    I think they must mean in your colon. :)

    1. No, I would still think of that. I've seen Pulp Fiction.


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