Saturday, February 2, 2013

Thrift Store Fuquerie: Gem Sweaters, Creepy Dolls, and Vulvas Oh My!

You know a visit to the thrift store is going to be fun when the first thing you see is a gem sweater. For anyone not familiar with gem sweaters, I recommend visiting Leslie Hall.

If Two-Face designed a gem sweater, this is what he'd make. One side understated and looks good at formal events, the other side letting the world know you have no problem murdering everyone in sight at the flip of a coin.
Kids, don't trust any adult wearing one of these non-ironically.

I'm not a pomegranate expert, but I don't recall them looking like vaginas laying a clutch of amphibian eggs. 
I feel dirty just looking at this.

That crazy look in her eyes? That's the look of a doll who has just murdered her owner.
Serves her right for playing around with Barbie on the side.

Once this poor frog was able to escape his hellish prison, he was horrified to discover his captors had trapped him inside an invisible box. Will he ever see his wife and children again?
Haha, no. He's doomed.

Derpy Cat finally has a nemesis in Derpy Dog.
They can do the flea market circuit together.

Marketing the disembodied heads of children screaming in agony during their last moments seems to be a really poor marketing choice for a department store.
No wonder the internet says the place is haunted.

If I had the money, I would buy one of these for every Democrat in my family. I might be disowned, but their reactions would be so worth it.
For added hilarity, I'd send the Obama version to my aunt.

More proof that cartoon characters look fine on the flat screen, but are the stuff of nightmares brought into our 3D world.
He's rubbing his hands in anticipation of tasting your pancreas.

Wow, this is so fucking racist. Gee, I wonder why it hasn't sold after almost a year.
Seriously, shit like this used to be acceptable.

This is the internet version of finding Phoenician manuscripts.
Poor thing, thinking it's still relevant.

This isn't so much the "Book of Knowledge" as it is "Punch Swallows Your Soul."
Seriously, why would you put a coin in this knowing it's a trick by the devil?

I don't know why I took a picture of this. Maybe there was just something inherently sad about this elephant.
It's the dead eyes.

And finally, we have a possessed Shirley Temple doll.

What do you mean possessed? It's not that--

1 comment:

  1. Your thrift store is infinitely cooler and more terrifying than mine...


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