Sunday, March 31, 2013

3D Magic Space Jesus

In my first post about Bussey's Flea Market, I introduced the laser disco Virgin Mary clock, one of the most beautimous things I've found in my fuckery adventures. There's also the 3D Jesus crucifixion clock, which adorns the guest room wall, somehow keeping people from wanting to stay overnight.

In the dark recesses of a Chinese bootleg import booth, I found a collection of 3D Jesus wall art. Naturally, I was intrigued. Of course, I couldn't resist the 3D Last Supper for when we have guests.
It's two Last Suppers in one!

Saturday, March 30, 2013

Bussey's Flea Market: Postapocalypse Now

North of San Antonio is a place so amazing, I've been there more times than any non-hoarder should. I've posted about this place before because it's too amazing for just one post.

You know how post-apocalyptic movies always have those scenes where the protagonist enters the bustling market hub where people are bartering, shady deals are going down in back alley rooms, and there's an undercurrent of any moment, someone clad in leather is going to be chasing a cyborg down the aisle?

That, my friends, is Bussey's Flea Market (only with more sno-cones). 

Does the giant armadillo sign promise anything less than magic?

AHHH! *muppet flail* and Sorely Needed Update

^^That's me as I realize a week has gone by and I haven't posted anything. I've been a little distracted. First of all, a new term of school started and suddenly I'm in the middle of midterms again. Then there was that whole Martian Death Plague thing. Then in my free time, I was utterly wrapped up in my mission to get my damned lavender 1980s bike to work with a modern fluid trainer (I failed), and exploring the world for fuckery material (I succeeded).

Also, there was that whole live blogging fuckery thing on Tumblr. 

I kind of forgot to mention that, didn't I?

Yeah, so I have a Tumblr. It's a lot of stuff from this blog that's been reposted there, but there's also stuff that hasn't been posted here, as well as a lot of random stuff from the past, and general randomness. You can find the Tumblr here:

I did a live blogging event last week where I took a day trip to several different flea markets and other roadside wtfs. I uploaded pictures of fuckery as I found them, so viewers could experience the "why the hell does that exist?" along with me. The combination chainsaw sculpture and RV park was closed, but it was a total success otherwise.  This was more an impromptu test to see if my replacement phone was up to the task (it was). I'd love to do it again and promise a scheduled live blogging will be announced.

Other things in the works:

* I thoroughly explored the post-apocalyptic flea market for several days and came away with a boatload of hilarious bootleg goodies. I will make a post about it and I also plan on having an auction for mystery grab bags of bootleg stuff. 

* The pictures from the live blogging will be made into a post soon, most likely broken up into multiple parts because there's a lot of pictures.

* Clown posts are still being planned. There's a whole lot of clowns out there and my clown folder is bursting with horror. 

* Peeps bunnies were at Big Lots for a dollar a box. I'm planning a diorama. Fortunately, Peeps last forever.

Saturday, March 23, 2013

Thrift Store Fuquerie: Sorta Meh Edition

After I got myself labeled by the nurse as a complete weirdo, I went to the nearby Goodwill and Salvation Army stores. They never fail to disappoint.

I considered getting this to hang next to Napkin Cat, but six bucks was a bit steep for some scraps of beach debris.
Note to self: collect trash on beach, glue to board, ???, profit!

Saturday, March 16, 2013

Saturday Flea Market Fuquerie Part 2: Disembodied Hillbillies

As mentioned last week, a friend and I went to a flea market together to document the weirdness. These are the things we found once inside...

It's entirely possible this cookie jar is the perfect deterrent to anyone who wants a cookie.
"Go ahead, reach inside. I won't bite..."

Friday, March 15, 2013

Toilet Seat Museum Part 4: Tributes

In this post, I showed you some of the glory that is the Toilet Seat Museum. If you haven't read it yet, go do it right now.


In Part 4 of my tour of the Toilet Seat Museum, I bring you the beauty of toilet seat tributes.

Alas, poor Pope John Paul II.
Pope dies in his 80s, toilet seat artist still living in his 90s. The world makes sense.

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

WTF Wednesday

WTF Wednesday is going to be a regular feature around here, but I've been sick with Martian Death Plague and not really up to WTFing it up. So for now, I'm leaving you with these old ads that have been delightfully altered by the guy I tricked into marrying me.

I'd buy it in a heartbeat.

The creepy thing is he didn't alter their faces.

Sixties dad is so cool.

Saturday, March 9, 2013

Saturday Flea Market Fuquerie Part 1: Panther Wrangling

A friend and I wandered out to a flea market in search of glorious fuckery and other such wonderful things. There was definitely some choice wtf bits going on, so behold the fruits of our exploits!

I know, this straw angel doesn't look creepy enough. Keep staring.
Like peppers, it's the slow burn that gets you the most.

Friday, March 8, 2013

Toilet Seat Museum Part 3: Places, Everyone!

In this post, I showed you some of the glory that is the Toilet Seat Museum. If you haven't read it yet, go do it right now.


In Part 3 of my tour of the Toilet Seat Museum, I bring you some of the location-based toilet seats.

Colorado, state of legal weed and yuppies.
Okay, fine, all that other stuff too.

Thursday, March 7, 2013

High School 1958 vs 2012: Darlene's Toolbox

As talked about in this post, I am going to write my own versions of that idiotic "High School 1958 vs 2008/2009/2010/2011/2012" thing that has been plaguing the internet. Please enjoy my interpretation of nonexiestant Scenario 11...

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Spotted Dick: An Adventure In Taste

For those of you who are too busy being pervs to know what spotted dick is, it's a fruited bread pudding from England. For those of us who know what spotted dick is, it's damn funny no matter what.

I am a fan of bread pudding, but I have never had spotted dick before (that's what she said!). Other than making it myself, which sounded suspiciously like work, my options were to 1) fly to England or, 2) buy it at the store. Since I suspect that Texans are banned from the UK, I had to go with the purchase option. Fortunately, it just so happens that the local grocery store carries canned spotted dick imported from England.

Oh boy, and it's microwaveable too!

Sunday, March 3, 2013

How to Get Divorced In Three Simple Steps

1. Happily take a hideous clown portrait off your friend's hands.
2. Quietly install it in your spouse's bathroom while s/he is asleep.
3. Snicker yourself to sleep.


I didn't get served with divorce papers, but the portrait is now mysteriously missing.

Saturday, March 2, 2013

Bussey's Flea Market Fuquerie (with bonus video!)

Finding Bussey's Flea Market was like finding a magical world of wonder wrapped up in knockoff goods, hoarders junk, delightful crafts, and topped with a sno-cones and nachos with suspicious yellow sauce. If society collapses and we're forced into a barter culture, I imagine it would look just like Bussey's. The sheer size of the place is ridiculous and I still haven't seen it all after two trips.

Believe me, there was a whole lot of wtf around, but there was more than I could really get to in time. So my documentation of the wonder that is Bussey's will probably be an ongoing project.

Need licensed character pinatas at knockoff prices?
Somewhere, there's a label that says "Genuine Sorny."

Friday, March 1, 2013

Toilet Seat Museum Part 2: Hobbies and Occupations

In this post, I showed you some of the glory that is the Toilet Seat Museum. If you haven't read it yet, go do it right now.


In Part 2 of my tour of the Toilet Seat Museum, I bring you a choice selection of hobby and occupation related toilet seats.

Quilting, that age-old hobby by master artists and amateurs alike.
I have no idea what half those doohickeys are.