Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Spotted Dick: An Adventure In Taste


For those of you who are too busy being pervs to know what spotted dick is, it's a fruited bread pudding from England. For those of us who know what spotted dick is, it's damn funny no matter what.

I am a fan of bread pudding, but I have never had spotted dick before (that's what she said!). Other than making it myself, which sounded suspiciously like work, my options were to 1) fly to England or, 2) buy it at the store. Since I suspect that Texans are banned from the UK, I had to go with the purchase option. Fortunately, it just so happens that the local grocery store carries canned spotted dick imported from England.



Oh boy, and it's microwaveable too!







Upon opening, I discovered it didn't look quite as appetizing as I had hoped.
More like a slab of marbled turd.





I examined the instructions to see what would be my best option. As this was an unknown substance to me, the steam method seemed too risky and fraught with danger, so I settled on the good ol' American method of nuking it.
Be careful, the spotted dick might spurt at you.





Once I wrestled it out of the can, I plopped it down on a microwave-safe plate. It continued to look like a lump of not pudding, but I hoped heating it up would soften it enough to be appetizing.
Spoilers: No.





After microwaving, I discovered it still remained a can-shaped lump of suspicious contents. Honestly, the only reason I took this picture was because I was stalling. My initial excitement over trying spotted dick was fast waning once I was faced with the reality.
This would be better if I had a gallon of custard. And no canned spotted dick.





Eventually, I gave in and tried the spotted dick. It was tough, dry, mealy in an unpleasant way, and had a thick sweetness about it that just built up until I felt like I needed to gnaw on a block of salt to balance my tastebuds back out. I can't say that I will eat canned spotted dick again. If the UK ever lets me back into their borders again, I will make a point of trying proper English spotted dick.
At least it wasn't Chicken Salad Surprise.





Spotted dick day is a day that will live in infamy among our backyard birds and squirrels.

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