Fuquerie From the Live Blogging Event

I have good news and bad news. The good news is, this post has no clowns, taxidermy, or old racist crap! The bad news is, I have enough pictures of each for their own posts. The really bad news is I have enough pictures of clowns for five posts and counting.

The following pictures were taken during my impromptu live Tumblr blogging event. It's like Christmas all over again, if Christmas was the previous year's gifts that crazy Aunt Mabel dug out of the trash, even though we could have sworn we buried them deep under rotting lettuce and used tissues.

This sinister sheep is watching you. It knows what you did to grandma's quilt.

It won't tell, as long as you do exactly what it says, no questions asked.

Looking for a gift to satisfy your best friend's love of sad baby train conductor corpses?

Seriously? I'm calling the cops, dude.

I discovered another member of the Derpy Cow family.

I've lost count of just how many Cows are in the Derpy family.

"Yarrrr! Please be shovin' a disc of metal into my brain via my missing ayeeeee!"

The single eye really elevates this to a new level of horror.

Sigh...

They didn't have the right letters for "riden horsey."

Thrift Store Law #135: There must always be at least one disembodied dwarf head.

I don't make the laws, I just report them.

I'm not sure if this face is crying because its hollowed out skull is being used as a teacup or if something something blowjob joke.

Definitely the last one.

Pure class.

If this had a floating Elvis head in the background, it would have been sold.

I don't care what anyone says, cute and fluffy mammals don't have red eyes unless they're evil.

Though at least this one has been dismembered for use as a cookie jar.

Yeah, I dunno either.

It's probably art. Art that watches you while you sleep.

Unsurprisingly, the 102nd Eggcup Infantry Division did not fare well.

The 34th Grapefruit Spoon Paratroopers had slightly better success.

God forbid a Texas thrift store lack the essential "shells glued to shit" item.

Every. Single. Time.

Random derpy fish.

Think of it as a palate cleanser.

Creepy glowing eyes: check. Mysterious green smoke emanating from body: check. Unnerving lack of tail: check. Conclusion: probably just a cat.

Though I don't know many cats that speak in guttural Latin.

I tried to warn the couple that there was some sort of giant monster with testicles for a chin stalking them, but they just thought I was some nut.

Both of us were right.

Which is more worrying? The stained dress or the burned arm?

And what kid was reenacting Saw with kitty cat dolls?

This store sold metal animal sculptures and look: Shells glued to random shit. Told ya.

I now have enough pictures of shells glued to shit for an entire post. Thanks, Texas!

"Uh, hey guys? Could someone let me out? I think I locked myself in..."

Oh Jesus, you and your foibles!

This thing looks kind of familiar, but it's so big. And beige.

Maybe some historians can help me out.

That is...something, all right.

Hello, price tag.

Blinged out Texas, ladies and gentlemen!

Does it bother anyone else that there should be one more blue piece of glass on the bottom?